


In A Sea Of Alcohol and Memories

by TallowCat



Category: Bravely Default (Video Game) & Related Fandoms
Genre: Drinking to Cope, Janne tries to drink his sorrows away, M/M, So yeah, Yew is dead, basically pure agnst, just dead, lmao and i just wrote fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-18
Updated: 2016-07-18
Packaged: 2018-07-24 18:55:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,734
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7519472
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TallowCat/pseuds/TallowCat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He’d hoped maybe alcohol could dull him enough to the point where nothing was real, to the point where he could pretend his life wasn’t shit and Yew would be waiting at home for him, ready to scold him for being out so late.<br/>But no, of course that wouldn’t happen.</p>
            </blockquote>





	In A Sea Of Alcohol and Memories

Dead.

Gone.

Never to be seen again.

 

He was fucking dead.

Dead as can be.

No coming back, ever.

 

Yew Geneolgia was dead.

 

Yew Geneolgia had been fucking slaughtered and he hadn’t protected him.

 

Yew Geneolgia never came home…

 

What a sick, twisted joke life was. Ready to give him everything that made him happy only to tear that person from him in the bloodiest manner possible. Life was an asshole and Janne wasn’t sure what he’d done to deserve such a thing.

What kind of thing had he done in a past life to get such a punishment?

 

To have Yew so close by his side, so close to being in his life forever, only for him to be ripped apart and left for dead somewhere Janne didn’t even know. It made him sick, so sick that he couldn’t even begin to think on it.

 

\--

 

He’d hoped maybe alcohol could dull him enough to the point where nothing was real, to the point where he could pretend his life wasn’t shit and Yew would be waiting at home for him, ready to scold him for being out so late.

But no, of course that wouldn’t happen.

 

Yew would never be there to greet him when he got home.

Yew would never be thee to gently tug him down into a kiss.

Yew would never be there to brush through his hair when he didn’t want to.

Yew would never be there to calm him down when shit pissed him off.

 

Yew would never be there again.

 

Of course drinking didn’t help.

Why would it? It was a stupid thought but he needed something, anything to take his mind off the pure heartache he felt. The void in his chest couldn’t be filled anymore and he hoped alcohol would make him forget it was there.

 

The ring around his finger, one to symbolize how much he and Yew had really loved each other, once made his heart swell with love and pride… Now it simply made him angry and upset, like it taunted him that its partner would never be with it.

No matter how many times he’d gotten angry and ripped it from his hand in a threat to throw it he always broke down into sobs.

 

He couldn’t.

He couldn’t throw away the ring that meant so much.

It was a part of him and Yew he could never lose. It was a part that needed to be kept safe and close to him.

 

He held it close and cried. Trying to form some semblance of a life from the tragedies thrown his way.

 

\--

 

People told him they were sorry.

Sorry for what he did not know.

Sorry that Yew died?

Sorry that he was now alone with nothing resembling happiness?

Or where they telling him they were sorry he wasn’t strong enough?

 

Where their looks of pity when they saw him, tired from never sleeping, meant to make him feel better? Less alone?

They didn’t.

If anything it made it all worse. The knowledge that people knew he was suffering and only chose to look made it worse. The knowledge that they were sad for something they didn’t fully understand.

 

The sickness that pooled in his stomach whenever he looked upon any of them was similar to the one that happened when he was younger.

They tried to help, they really did.

People came and offered him some way to pick up the broken pieces of his heart and life, to give him some way to move on.

 

He spat and growled at their help.

Not wanting anyone to warp anything he once held with Yew.

It was stupid and he wished he could give in and want their help.

 

But it all hurt so much and he couldn’t.

 

\--

 

So there he was once again.

Sitting alone at some damn bar drinking everything away.

Even if the drinks tasted like shit he couldn’t care less.

 

How many nights had he spent drinking alone to try and chase Yew from his head?

Everything swirled together in his head and he wasn’t sure if he was even still there or if he’d long since passed to another place.

 

He knew he’d be sick in the morning but at that time everything hurt so fucking bad that he couldn’t care. He couldn’t find his own rationality in a swirl of alcohol. Everything fuzzed and he knew people had tried to talk to him, to ask why there were so many glasses around him.

 

He’d chased them off with a bark of “fuck you and fuck off it’s my shitty fucking business!”

 

Janne had sunk low enough that he couldn’t care anymore, he’d drink until he threw up if he had to. Anything to chase Yew’s voice from his head, his smile, the memories that plagued him at night.

 

Yew shouldn’t have died, he should have gone with them, he should have protected him…

 

\--

 

_“I’ll be fine, Janne. It’s just a quick mission. We’ll be back before you know it!”_

_“Are you sure you guys don’t want me to come?”  
“We’re already a big group, besides, how would I get anything done with you distracting me?”_

_Pulling him down for a final goodbye kiss Yew laughed, brushing a hand through Janne’s hair one last time._

_“I’ll see you soon Janne, I love you.”_

_“Mm, just hurry up and get back here, it sucks when you fucking leave.”_

_“I will, and try not to get angry at people while I’m gone.”_

_“As long as they don’t act like shit then sure… I love you, Yew.”_

_When the group returned well…_

_Only a few of the group actually returned. Less then half the men who set out returned. All of them looked horribly injured, some had to be carried – he saw one man with no legs – while others had to be treated right on the spot._

_The main problem was that Janne couldn’t find Yew at all._

_Looking and weaving between people he looked and looked._

_Until a young man came up to him…holding out what was left of Yew’s cape._

_“He…He didn’t make it, sir… We…we couldn’t find a body.”_

_Janne had frozen; he hadn’t been able to breath. He took the cape and the tears came quickly. He wanted to tell the kid to fuck off, to stop fucking around and just tell him where his damn husband was._

_But when he opened his mouth all that came out was a horribly chocked scream and tears. He collapsed on the spot, screaming and crying, holding the only piece of Yew they brought back close. It hurt, it felt like everything had been ripped from him, that all he had was going to be taken sooner or later._

_People hadn’t done anything to help him, they stepped back from him._

_No one had ever seen Janne cry so much or so hard. Screaming so hard that his throat felt like it was ripping. He’d sobbed so hard, he’d sobbed and begged, begging to the man who’d never return to his arms._

_The third night after that he’d started to drink._

_He’d gone out and drank and drank until he met the brick wall of oblivion when he downed one drink too many._

_Shit-faced and hung over where not things Janne had been known for._

_But he needed to drink Yew from his memory._

_\--_

But no matter how much he drank he was always reminded of Yew.

He felt like a failure.

If he went with them maybe he could have protected him, or at least brought the body back. Fuck, he could’ve done something anything!

 

…He missed Yew so much.

His memory haunted Janne and he hated it. He hated remembering Yew’s tired smile when they woke up, the way Yew would babble on about whatever made him happy. Or even the way he tugged on Janne’s hair to get his attention.

All those things he missed, all those things that made his chest hurt.

 

Sobbing alone at a bar…

What a piece of shit he was…

So damn upset and lonely…

 

 

“Janne.”

The hand on his shoulder was quickly thrown off when he spun around to snap at Nikolai for even daring to fucking touch him.

“Fuck off, old man… Leave me alone.”

“Janne you’ve been here much-“

“I said fuck off, alright!? I don’t give a shit!”

 

Fuck… He could feel the tears in his eyes.

He didn’t want to cry.

…he missed him so much.

 

“Janne, I understand that you miss-“

“What do you understand, Nikolai?!”

Standing up Janne whirled around with a blazing anger.

 

“Do you understand how much it fucking hurts me!? Do you understand how much I feel at fault?!”

Stepping closer to the older man Janne could feel the tears start to rise.

“Do you understand how sick I feel whenever I wake up and he’s not fucking there?! Do you understand how fucking empty everything is?!”

Voice shaking Janne could barely see Nikolai’s face between the tears rolling down his face and the blurred vision all the alcohol had given him.

 

“Do you understand how fucking horrible I am?! How much I miss and need him?! Do you under-fucking-stand how I can’t do anything without being sick because I see him everywhere?!”

   Breaking down fully Janne chocked on his own breath and tears. He couldn’t, not anymore. It hurt, it hurt so much and he couldn’t.

 

He missed Yew so much and all he could think about was his own failures to protect him.

 

“Do…Do you even understand how fucking empty I-I feel Nikolai..? H-how fucking horrible everything is to me? I hate it, I hate everything and fuck I miss him…”

 

“I miss him so fucking much…”

 

Knees buckling Janne collapsed. Sobbing out Yew’s name as much as his breath allowed. He couldn’t deal with his broken life. His life that had been turned to shit so soon after everything smiled on him.

 

Bending down Nikolai helped Janne stand, giving the young man a concerned look as he struggled to stay standing.

 

“Janne-“

“I want him back, Nikolai… I want my Yew back, please… I just want Yew…”

 

 

And even in his drunken state Janne knew, he knew so fucking painfully, that he’d never get him back.

 

 

 

“I miss him… I love him so much…”

 

 

_  
“I’ll see you soon Janne, I love you.”_

**Author's Note:**

> Looking back on this I'm not too keen with where I went ://////  
>  Nah man don't really like what I did.


End file.
